Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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