After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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