he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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