my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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