You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
