Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
