I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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