Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
