my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
