I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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