Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
