Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
