We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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