now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I smell like Dick and happiness
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