First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize
