i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
