she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
