Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
