Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
