$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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