she looked like the bat from fern gully.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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