Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I think I have vodka in my lungs
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
