It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
