Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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