Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
