i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
