im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize