yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
