Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
