I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My vagina is officially offended.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
