it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Randomize
