yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
