i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
