Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
