not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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