I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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