the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
