the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
