I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
