I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
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