My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize