If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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