so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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