I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
