Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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