i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
