we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
