I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Let's paint friendship bongs
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
