Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
