i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
