Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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