I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I understand Curling. That high.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
What drink are we having for lunch?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
