Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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