What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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