I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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