my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
where are you?
Hypothermia
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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