ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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