Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
