I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
