New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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