One girl and one boy is just not enough.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
