take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
