But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
