I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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