I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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