Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
