I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
